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Rebecca Gayheart and Eric Dane may no longer be together romantically, but the former couple is facing his ALS diagnosis together.
As Dane’s condition progressed, Gayheart found herself taking on responsibilities that extended beyond emotional support.
She became a devoted caregiver, coordinating care and helping secure around-the-clock nursing support — all while maintaining a separate household and keeping life as normal as possible for their daughters.
The commitment, she said, is rooted in a bond that no longer looks romantic but remains deeply personal.
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Gayheart said that she has a “familial love” with Dane. The former couple are separated but remain married. (Lester Cohen/Getty Images for GLAAD)
“Our love may not be romantic, but it’s a familial love,” she told The Cut. “Whatever I can do or however I can show up to make this journey better for him or easier for him, I want to do that.”
Dane now requires round-the-clock nursing care, a reality that Gayheart said came only after persistent battles with insurance providers.
“Eric has 24/7 nurses now,” she said. “Just figuring out the healthcare system is its own thing — the health insurance company will deny you what you’re asking for … you have to appeal and then you have to apply again.”
She recalled a blunt exchange with an insurance representative that fueled her determination.
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Gayheart said that she had to fight to get the care Dane needs. (Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic)
“With the nurses, the woman from his insurance said to me, ‘You can keep applying, and I’ll keep denying,’” Gayheart said. “I was like, Oh? F that. I made it my mission. I was ‘locked in,’ as the kids would say. I crashed out, and then I locked it in.”
After two appeals, the care was approved — but coverage gaps remain, leaving Gayheart to step in herself when needed.
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When caregiving demands overlap with parenting responsibilities, Gayheart said she has learned to ask for help — even when it feels uncomfortable.
“There was a 12-hour shift recently that I could not cover. I could only do four hours because of all the stuff that the kids are doing,” she said. “So I had to call on two of Eric’s friends, one of them who had never really taken care of him in that way.”
Her hesitation was quickly met with support.
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“I thought, I can’t believe I had to ask someone to do this,” she said. “And of course when I asked for help, they said, ‘Yeah, anything, what do you need? What’s going on?’ And they both showed up and did a wonderful job.”
The 54-year-old actress recalled the moment she learned of his ALS diagnosis. “I was in my closet the day I heard those three letters: ALS,” Gayheart said.
“Eric called me from the doctor’s office in San Francisco; he’d flown down to see a neurologist there.”
Gayheart said that Dane experienced symptoms for several months before he received a diagnosis. (Rebecca Gayheart/Instagram)
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The warning signs, she said, had been there for nearly a year, showing up during everyday moments with their children.
“When we would have a meal with the kids, he’d say things like, ‘Something’s wrong with my hand,’” Gayheart explained, saying that he struggled to use utensils. “That was when he started seeing doctors.”
She added, “When he told me that day, he just started weeping, as did I. It didn’t feel real because he was still OK.”
At home with their youngest daughter, Gayheart attempted to take the call privately.
“I was here at home with my youngest daughter — my home, that I share with just the girls, since Eric and I separated in September 2017 — and I’d gone into my closet to take the call, trying to be private,” she said.
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Dane and Gayheart share daughters Billie, 15, and Georgia, 14. (Gilbert Flores/Variety via Getty Images)
Her daughter immediately sensed something was wrong.
Gayheart said, “I tried telling her, ‘Honey, nothing. Everything’s fine,’ because I couldn’t process it.”
The former couple, who share daughters Billie, 15, and Georgia, 14, later told their children the news with guidance from therapists.
“We wanted to have complete transparency and honesty with them,” Gayheart said. “I’m a horrible liar. You can see right through me.”
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Gayheart and Dane tied the knot in 2004. They separated in 2017, but the divorce filing was withdrawn in April. Just weeks later, the “Grey’s Anatomy” actor announced he had been diagnosed with ALS.
According to the Mayo Clinic, ALS is a “nervous-system disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord.” It can lead to severe muscle loss, breathing difficulties, eating problems and, in some cases, dementia.