IT’S the secret London show that’s got everyone from Madonna to Prince Harry clamouring to see it – and my Bizarre colleague Jack Hardwick was lucky enough to bag a ticket for You Me Bum Bum Train.
But each night its audience signs a non-disclosure agreement – so here’s what he could say about it . . .
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While there is very little the NDA I signed allows me to say, I can confirm I have not popped my porn star cherry.
You Me Bum Bum Train is in fact an immersive play — and quite frankly one of the best things I’ve ever done.
The show, which is made up of more than 600 volunteers, initially popped up in London in 2016 with Madonna and Prince Harry both letting slip that they had taken part.
After a short run, it quietly disappeared into the ether.
But last November it returned and will run until May 2 — with flocks of celebs and members of the public alike battling for tickets.
The current show saw 120,000 people apply in a ballot on the first minute of release — that’s more than Glastonbury Festival.
I hear that over the past few weeks everyone from Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet to Ellie Goulding and Sasha Baron Cohen have been to the show.
Ant and Dec have also managed to bag tickets.
Katy Perry is said to have even hired a jet to the UK to take part earlier this year.
I’m told she got so into one scene she ended up crowd surfing.
Officially though, none of these names ever went.
And while I can imagine there must be some internal pride at some of the biggest names in the world fighting for tickets to their show, I understand Bum Bum Train creators Kate Bond and Morgan Lloyd have zero interest in getting celebrity supporters.
For them it’s about creating lasting art and an experience like no other.
They also pride themselves on helping a sense of community and friendships for the volunteers who take part — many who learn a new skill for the first time.
I can personally say, they have achieved this and then some.
Some guests are reported to have found their sense of joy and life again after attending the show.
I’m told one who suffered from cancer emerged saying that the hour of the show was the first time they had forgotten of the torrid health battle they were enduring.
Initially I was told I couldn’t reveal any of the guests who were at my evening’s performance.
However, since then some have posted their attendance online.
Minutes after walking into the disused office and hand over my ID to awkward silence did I bump into Alan Carr and Amanda Holden.
Were they just like me and lucky ticket holders or part of the show? I had absolutely no idea.
I later casually crossed paths with TV regular Rylan and England ace Declan Rice.
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At the end of the evening as I was collecting my coat I saw Amanda again, who said: “I’ve gone a bit shaky on the knees.”
Exactly what made her like that I genuinely don’t know and if I did I couldn’t say.
That’s the beauty of it — no one knows for certain who or what is in store.
And once they take part they are sworn to secrecy — also having now attended the show, I don’t want to ruin the magic of what is behind the unsuspecting glass sliding doors.
The night before I was due to visit the show, I was reminded of the very strict rules when it comes to booze.
The email read: “Anyone suspected of consuming ANY alcohol or being under the influence of alcohol or drugs will not be admitted. Refunds will not be provided in such circumstances.”
Despite not touching a drop of booze in days I was asked multiple times if I had drank that day before my experience began.
I’m also told it’s not beyond bosses to request a breathalyzer for any “questionable guests”.
Based in Central London in an old office block just meters away from unaware shoppers, You Me Bum Bum Train is nothing short of a marvel.
Shrouded in secrecy thanks to non disclosure agreements, the immersive experience has fast become the must-have ticket of the year.
With around just 40 passengers ( attendees ) a night, it’s harder to get a ticket to the Bum Bum Train than the Oasis reunion.
Ironically though, I’m told Liam Gallagher turned down the chance to attend earlier this year, though his brother Noel jumped at the chance.
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In 2016 one guest risked the wrath of show bosses by letting slip that they had been crowd surfing with Prince Harry.
They said at the time: “Can’t believe my family were raving/crowd surfing with Prince Harry last night”.
Sources tell The Sun the royal filmed an introduction video for volunteers in which he brands the night “a head f***”.
In January The Sun revealed that James Corden had secretly been starring in the play — though again, I’m sworn to secrecy about his exact role.
Other A-list stars, whose identities I have also been acting in the play — for free — over the past few weeks
But It’s safe to say you get out of Bum Bum what you put in.
Unaware and apprehensive of what to expect I decided to just allow myself to “fall through it”.
Admittedly I was in a vulnerable state, my cat had just died that morning and my boyfriend had dumped me two weeks earlier.
But I fully immersed myself in every aspect of the evening — taking in the wonder and magic of a real life Wonderland.
It can happily say for those 45 minutes, the outside world didn’t matter.
No on second thoughts, it didn’t just not matter, it didn’t exist
I’m well aware without sounding like I’ve drunk the Kool-Aid — and maybe I have — but the whole experience was one of the most freeing and liberating experiences of my life.
Looking back it’s like a dream — the events are not so much a blur, but so surreal that I have to question if most of it even happened.
But even if some of it was just going on inside my head, who is to say that makes it any less real?
The pure joy currently taking place multiple times a week at a secret London location is certainly real.
And if by some miracle find yourself with access to a ticket you would be nothing short of a fool for turning it down.
