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For some mothers, the sorority rush isn’t just their daughter’s rite of passage — it’s theirs too.
With “rush week” underway on campuses across the country and documented amid the viral “RushTok” trend, the spotlight is on not only potential new members but also their moms. Some of them go to great lengths to secure a coveted bid for their daughters in ways even fellow parents say can turn an already punishing process into a high-stakes family drama.
“For every girl going through rush, there’s a mom behind her [who] wants it as bad as she does,” rush coach Brandis Bradley said in the trailer for the new Lifetime series, “A Sorority Mom’s Guide to Rush!”
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“I might want it more,” one mom admitted in the same trailer.
Another said she was living “vicariously” through her daughter’s experience. And yet another said that a rush budget, to her, is “nonexistent.”
Behind many young women rushing sororities are moms who want it as badly as they do, insiders say. (Brynn Anderson/AP Photo)
Some families spend as much as $10,000 preparing their daughters — from luxury accessories and designer wardrobes to stylists and coaches charging as much as $5,000 to guide girls through the interview process, according to reports.
That’s all before the annual dues and housing fees, which can top $15,000 if the young women are accepted into a chapter.
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“When the personal and emotional investment of a parent in their child’s activities becomes extreme, it’s usually motivated by one of two simple explanations,” said Seth Meyers, a Los Angeles-based clinical psychologist and host of the YouTube channel “Dr. Seth: Psychologist.”
“The parents either didn’t have those opportunities themselves and try to overcompensate for that loss by making sure their child has those opportunities, or they had a particular experience and strongly believe their child having the same experience is important for both the child’s future and for the closeness of the mother-daughter bond,” Meyers told Fox News Digital.
Starting college can be stressful enough without the added pressure of vying for a sorority, some experts say. (Al Drago/CQ Roll Call)
But too much involvement can backfire.
Daughters may feel added anxiety about failing, disappointing their mothers or admitting disinterest in something their parents want so much, Meyers warned.
“It can be easy to forget how challenging the college years are,” he added. “The experience of rushing – while exciting – temporarily adds to their stress and also yields serious upset if the process doesn’t go the way they hoped.”
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While fraternity recruitment is often described as a casual “open invite,” the sorority rush can be “downright cruel,” Daniel Karon, an Ohio-based attorney and fraternity chapter advisor, told Fox News Digital.
“It can involve dances, skits, dressing a certain way, submitting resumes, recommendation letters or portfolios, touring each house at least once and suffering through a mutual selection process,” said Karon, who is a fraternity alum himself and parent of kids who were part of Greek life.
Recruitment prep has become its own industry, with coaches, social media strategists and designer wardrobes. (AP Photo/Brynn Anderson)
“This is how sorority rush worked in my wife’s day – and it’s how it still works today,” he added.
“It’s a punishing, unnecessary and twisted process that does nothing to facilitate and foster the mental health that’s so essential to freshmen women.”
While parents attempt to tip the scales, others argue the best approach is to step back.
Marva Bailer, a University of Maryland Kappa Delta alum and mother of a sorority graduate, said she paid her own sorority fees while working her way through college.
“Parents have to let go. You can’t put a Band-Aid on everything.”
“My attitude has always been, ‘Figure things out yourself, because I’m not going to be there next to you in the interview or the office,'” Bailer told Fox News Digital.
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“But there are many moms who still feel they need to pick up all the school supplies, lost lunches and shoes that their kids forgot.”
Bailer, an Atlanta-based author, said the sorority rush can feel like an outlet for parents grappling with identity as children leave home.
Some parents grapple with their identity once their kids go off to college, one mom said. (iStock)
“Rush feels like an opportunity to still influence their daughter’s experience,” she said.
“But [children] have to experience failure, disappointment and make decisions on their own,” she added.
“Parents have to let go. You can’t put a Band-Aid on everything.”
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She emphasized that sorority life offers far more than themed parties and photo ops.
Her daughter’s chapter, Sigma Kappa at the University of Georgia, for example, helped raise $1 million for the Children’s Miracle Network while she was there.
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“Rush looks like a party, but it’s really about skills – planning, community bonding and networking,” Bailer said.