The NFL is continuing with its European slate (which I enjoy; how are people mad at a Sunday morning coffee and football-watching sesh?) in Munich, with the Detroit Lions taking on the New England Patriots at Allianz Arena.
And what better way to get people fired up than by letting an all-time great take a turn at tapping a beer keg Oktoberfest-style?
…Right, there isn’t one, and that’s why Lions legend Barry Sanders threw on a protective apron to show us how it’s done.
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Lions legend Barry Sanders battled through a terribly designed mallet to successfully tap a keg in Munich. (USA TODAY Network via Reuters Connect)
Turns out this is way harder than it looks.
Not a bad first attempt by the Hall of Famer, but poor Barry was just thrown to, as the Germans would say, “der wolves.”
First of all, do they not have normal mallets? I’ve never been to Germany (though I do have an affinity for bratwursts and the music of Kraftwerk), so maybe they don’t.
I don’t want to tell the Germans how to tap a keg, but wouldn’t that be way easier with a flat-sided rubber mallet? They’re using the mallet that someone stole from a Whac-A-Mole machine at the arcade down the Straße.
Were all of the normal, flat-sided mallets in Munich unavailable that day? (Karl-Josef Hildenbrand/picture alliance via Getty Images)
Get Barry a real American mallet, and that keg would be tapped so hard the Germans would be more in awe of him than they are of David Hasselhoff.
And there was no help from that mascot.
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That wasn’t the normal Lions mascot, Roary; that was their German mascot, Leo Löwe.
Leo, mein Freund, when you see your franchise’s greatest legend struggling to tap a keg, maybe lend a paw. Don’t just lean on the keg like you’re trying to be the Arthur Fonzarelli of the keg party.
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I’m not mad, just disappointed.
The NFL heading to Germany means we get fun stuff like Barry Sanders tapping a beer keg. (Andreas Gora/picture alliance via Getty Images)
But all that matters is that Barry got the job done, despite all that was working against him.
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And man, imagine the stories those Lions fans have.
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“I drank beer from a keg tapped by Barry Sanders… after several tries, but it was because they gave him a bum mallet.”